Random Thoughts

September 10, 2007

12 Ridiculous Similies in Music

Filed under: Cool Stuff — doctorfeelgood @ 8:13 pm

Aw, man, Poison and Def Leppard are in here. Crap!

Offending Lyric:
“Livin’ like a lover with a radar phone”

How exactly does a lover with a radar phone live? Well, probably poorly if they’re fucking someone who thinks a radar phone sounds like a cool piece of technology. You have to feel bad for Def Leppard’s girlfriends, who presumably all got radar phones for Christmas back in 1987, when this song was released.

Alanis Morissette – “Ironic”

Offending Lyric:
“It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife … And isn’t it ironic … don’t you think?”

Much has been made of the fact that Alanis’ concept of irony doesn’t quite meet the standards taught in most high school English classes, but her similes are every bit as worthy of scorn. Has anyone, in the history of mankind, ever needed a knife and ironically wound up with 10,000 spoons instead?

We’re trying to imagine the circumstances, but each scenario seems more unlikely than the last:

  • You work at the spoon factory, and the only way to unjam a cog in the spoon-making machine is to grease it by spreading butter over it.
  • You invited the band 10,000 Maniacs to a dinner party, and the caterer, worried that they were in fact 10,000 maniacs, thought it best to limit their access to sharp items.
  • You are armed for an invasion of Cereal Land, but the gates are being guarded by two juicy 72-ounce steaks.

Linkage

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